First, I must apologize. I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal to tear the tag off the mattress in a certain North Korean hotel room. But be sure that I have learned my lesson and have returned to the Institute of Boggus Talk (IBT) after an extended four-year hiatus just in-time to Help Make America Great Again or perhaps to modify an industry phrase to “Get Airports Great Again” or GAGA.
Yes, the IBT, at the urging of certain political extremists have relocated our headquarters back to the United States to avoid any potential “border thought-leader taxes” and well, it’s just the right thing to do.
So, before we all start going GAGA, let’s take stock of where we are.
- Passenger Security Checkpoints still slow? – Check
- Still only one pose allowed in the AIT? – Check
- No real high-speed certified CBIS? – Check
- People still crowding around the hold room jetbridge door when the first announcement is made no matter what the announcement really is about? – Check
- FAA Reauthorization and AIP/PFC Funding Issues? – Check
- No new terminal in a certain Midwestern state whose basement floods from time-to-time? – Check
- Travel etiquette a thing of the past in most air carrier cabins? – Check
It seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. While this is not disappointing, it is a bit of a shame. We should note that the IBT is not above loading up our AMC Pacer and hitting the open road to help airports go GAGA, but we cannot help from noticing a certain phrase that keeps popping up around airports here in the US. That phrase is “surprise and delight” (SAD). It seems to be the sacred verbal formula, or mantra being used to describe the penultimate desire of the aura to be given off by our airport facilities to the passengers, second only to that of separating the passengers from their money.
Now, stay with me here, because this could be tricky…if we want our airports to go GAGA and to do that they must have SAD elements, well this would be the perfect opportunity for the para-professionals at the IBT to weigh in on what a SAD terminal might look like.
You up for this? I thought so.
The IBT set up a double-blind study, laced with alternative facts, to determine what kind of surprises and delights one might find in our terminals. (It should be noted that finding surprises in a terminal was not very difficult for the IBT staff). When it comes to delight, well that’s a different story.
What is delight after all? Some definitions say that delight is “great pleasure”. Now I don’t know about you, but airport and “great pleasure” seem to be as synonymous as, oh say, root canal and afternoon delight (look it up). However, the IBT crack “delight” staff (CDS) set out to find delight as we go GAGA. Some examples are:
- Finding a parking space near the terminal without driving around 30 minutes (Surprise)
Airline teams with TNC (Transportation Network Company) to pick you up and take you home (Delight)
- Takes 10 minutes or less to go through security (Surprise)
You can reserve a space and time to appear at the front of the security line (Delight)
- The restroom floor is not wet so you don’t have to wonder about it. (Surprise)
Restrooms have valets to hold your laptop bag for you so you don’t have to set it on the floor in that “stuff” (Delight and a jobs creator)
And then the IBT has come up with a few “delights” that are for entertainment only.
- The ability to wager, while in the plane, on whether the passenger can get their bag into the overhead bin without springing the door and thereby delaying the flight due to a mechanical (Delight if the carrier must take your bet).
- Allowing the airline gate agents to call boarding classes and group numbers to board that do not actually exist just to watch the throng at the gate react.
- Have the airline announce that for this flight it is all middle seat seating. There are no aisle or window seats in this configuration. Would be worth my whole day to watch people try to logic that out.
So, if you are looking to create a SAD terminal and concourse, the IBT stands ready to assist and provide our CDS to help you reach GAGA. Rest assured that the IBT is ready, willing, and able to assist you in any Totally Boggus Scenario (TBS).
Roddy is the Executive Vice President of Aviation at Suffolk where he is responsible for National Aviation Strategy, Pipeline Sourcing, and Tier Accounts. A 30 year aviation professional, he is an Architect with a Bachelors’ of Design from Texas Tech University. Roddy is the 2017 Board Chair of the Airport Consultants Council (ACC) and sits on the Board of Directors for the International Partnering Institute (IPI) as well as the International Association of Airport Executives (IAAE).
