We live in very interesting and challenging times. Social norms are changing, people seem to be more polarized than ever, and everyone is adamant that everyone else must subscribe to their value system.
The Institute of Boggus Talk (IBT) has set about to study the impact on how this is all affecting our aviation system. What are the issues, and what are the solutions? Why do we do what we do, and is there a way to “take the edge off”?
Some groups are against the resumption of serving alcohol on flights because it takes too much of the edge off. After all, lubricated lips say more than they might say otherwise.
The IBT had the opportunity to visit with several airport personnel over the past month or two, and we discussed the many issues passengers face on flights today and whether or not the alcohol served in airports and on aircraft should be curtailed. We wound up asking the question of why alcohol is even served on aircraft.
It didn’t take us long to discover the answer, which turned out to be a pretty extensive list. Here are 12 reasons why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
1. When a “Karen” or a “Ken” refuse to wear a mask on your flight, resulting in a complete deplaning, a visit from the airport law enforcement group, and the ultimate delay of your travel; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
2. When a flight crew “times-out” after an evening waiting for the weather to clear, leaving you with no hotel and a rebooking a week later; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
3. When a person boards with an acceptable T-shirt on that is later deemed unacceptable, requiring law enforcement to remove the person from the aircraft and delaying your flight; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
4. When you’re ground stopped on an airfield due to COVID cleaning required in a Regional FAA Center; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
5. When the person in the row ahead of you leans so far back that you cannot do anything but dream of rubbing their hair into knots; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
6. When the child in the row behind you is kicking your seat and throwing goldfish crackers at you during your four-hour flight; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
7. When the person in the middle seat falls asleep on your shoulder and loses control of their “slobber seal” on you; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
8. When your previously unknown seatmate sees you as a verbal recipient of their life story, even though you have your headphones on; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
9. When the flight attendant makes the inflight call for anyone that’s a licensed doctor or nurse, and the need is in your row; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
10. When you look out your window and see that the airplane engine is on fire and missing its cowling; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
11. When you are running up to the gate trying to make a connection only to find the agent beginning to close the jet bridge door – and you still make the flight; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
12. When you check your bag on a non-stop flight two hours before boarding and twice in a row your bag magically does not make the trip with you; That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
There are a lot of moving parts when it comes to air travel. Any one of these parts can create pressure points along the way. You have no control over it, but yet you have to deal with it.
To be clear, alcohol is not always the answer. It can be overdone. For those who don’t drink alcohol, a flight is a good time to enjoy a good mug of coffee or perhaps a nice cup of tea -- anything to take the edge off while flying.
After all, flying can be stressful, challenge your good humanity, and cause you to question if natural selection is still a thing. And that’s before you may have to deal with weather, mechanical issues, labor issues, and pandemic issues.
But when those issues arise, remember: That’s why they serve alcohol on airplanes.
Cheers!
